Why Help Never Gets to Those Who Need It Most

Filed Under (NLP life coaching) on 01-10-2014

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Why do so many people not see that they have a problem? Why won’t they admit that they need help? And why do they seem to be exactly the people who need help the most?

The answer is simple: because two reinforcing feedback loops operate here.  A familiar name for reinforcing feedback loops is virtuous circles.  These two circles operate at the opposite ends of one continuum. So on a continuum we will perceive one feedback loop / circle as virtuous and the other as vicious.  But even the vicious circle is virtuous, because it reinforces action.  So why does help never get to those who need it most? I’ll explain on a few examples.

The obese are often happy to get more obese,

and the slim always want to be slimmer. In the circle of obesity the more obese someone is, the more their body wants to eat and the less it wants to move under all the weight and energetic block. And the less this person cares about breaking this circle, which results in them being more obese…  In the circle of slimness the slimmer one gets, the better one feels, the more energy, mobility, flexibility one has, the better one looks, the better one wants to look and feel, which results in them wanting to be slimmer…

The poor will always get poorer,

the rich will always get richer. The poor person doesn’t believe that his luck will ever turn, so lives for the moment and treats money as if there was no tomorrow. That makes him poorer. And if he has debts, the debts will  spiral up. This adds to the fire of the main circle of getting poorer.  The circle of riches is that the more one has, the more one wants, the more one gets, the more one carefully calculates every spending move… And that results in him having more, which makes him richer. Add the circle of compounding interest on their savings enriching the main circle of getting richer…  Thus money comes to money.

The victims will always get hurt again,

while success will always attract success. Instead of explaining this example in the same way as I explained the two examples above I’ll add the additional reason why help never gets to those who need it most. This additional reason is the subjective reality of a person in either of the two circles.  If a person believes that unsuccessful events [were fabricated to] hurt them,  this person will hardly change his attitude overnight.  Based on his belief that he always gets hurt he will act accordingly. And his actions will attract situations that will confirm the belief that he always gets hurt.  On the other hand the subjective reality of a person who derives success from most situations will be that the next situation will also end successfully. That will predispose him to act toward success.

The point here is

that if you know a person who feels obese, poor, often hurt, or even all together, you can keep nagging him/her to pull him/herself together, but your well meant suggestions will fall on deaf ears until the person becomes ready to break his/her beliefs and start thinking differently.

This is exactly what accounts for the fact that time management seminars are written and also attended by good managers of time!  Those who manage time badly and would most benefit from time management seminars will never attend them, because they do not see that they have a problem with managing time.  To them their way is how they can best manage time. To them their way is the subjective reality of their circles even though people around them see these circles as vicious.


What is your experience?  Would you like to be even more efficient at modelling NLP help to someone you know who needs it most? Let’s connect.

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