Why Help Never Gets to Those Who Need It Most

Filed Under (Life Coaching & NLP) on 14-05-2011

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The answer is simple: because two reinforcing feedback loops operate here.  A familiar name for the reinforcing feedback loops is virtuous circles.  As you’ll see below, these two circles operate at the opposite ends of one continuum, thus in this sense one of the feedback loops / circles will be perceived as virtuous and the other as vicious.  But in the sense of reinforcing the action in itself even the vicious circle is virtuous, because it results in more of the same action and therefore reinforces it.  So why does help never get to those who need it most? I’ll explain by demonstrating the principles of the two opposing reinforcing feedback loops on a few examples.

The obese are often happy to become more obese, while the slim always want to be slimmer. The reinforcing feedback loops here are that in the vicious circle of obesity the more obese someone is, the more their body needs to eat and the less it wants to move under all the weight and energetic block, and the less this person cares about breaking this circle, which results in them being more obese…  while in the virtuous circle of slimness the slimmer one is, the slimmer one gets, the greater one feels, the more energy, mobility, flexibility one has, the better one looks, the better one wants to look and feel, which results in them wanting to be slimmer…

The poor will always be poorer, while the rich will always get richer. The vicious circle here is that the poor person doesn’t believe their luck will ever turn, so lives for the moment and treats money as if there was no tomorrow, which makes them poorer in addition to the fact that the compounding debt [if there is one] will mix in a subvicious circle of spiralling to greater heights, which plays into the fire of the main vicious circle of the person getting poorer.  The virtuous circle in this example is: the more one has, the more one wants, the more one accumulates, the more one carefully calculates every spending move, which results in them having more, which makes them richer, plus the subvirtuous circle of compounding interest on their savings enriching the main virtuous circle of getting richer.  Thus money comes to money…

The victims will always get hurt again, while success will always attract success. Instead of explaining this example in the same way as I explained the two examples above I’ll add the additional reason why help never gets to those who need it most. This additional reason is the subjective reality of a person inside either of the two circles.  In this case this means that if a person has developed a way of responding to unsuccessful events as that each of these events [was fabricated to] hurt them,  this person will hardly change their attitude overnight.  Based on their belief that they always get hurt they’ll act accordingly and their actions will attract situations that will end unsuccessfully which will confirm their belief that they always get hurt [the vicious circle].  On the other hand, the subjective reality of a person who derives success from most situations in life will be that the next situation will also end successfully, which will predispose them to act toward achieving success.

The point here is that if you know a person who feels s/he is obese, poor, and often hurt, or even all together, you can keep nagging them to change, pull themselves together, or get their stuff straight, but your well-meant suggestions will fall on deaf ears until this person becomes ready to break the subjective reality of their ‘vicious’ circles and start thinking differently.

This is exactly what accounts for the fact that, for example, time management seminars are not only written by excellent managers of time, but unfortunately also attended by excellent managers of time!  As a result those who manage time poorly and – from the viewpoint of people around them – most need to attend these time management seminars will never attend them, because they themselves will never see that they have a time managing problem.  To them their way is how they can best manage time, to them their way is the subjective reality of their virtuous circles – even though people around them see these circles as vicious.

What is your experience?  Contact me to make you even more efficient at spreading NLP help to someone you know who needs it most…

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