How many times have you heard / read this phrase before? People ask for help, yet when they get it, defer acting on it and are doing themselves disservice. But why do they?
Every time someone says or writes this to me it reminds me of how this phrase is loaded with the attitude of chore, low priority, and procrastination. Oh, another task on the to do list. Another thing to have to apportion my time, sometimes money, and energy to! Oh, but I’ll do it later, when I’m in the mood for tying up the low priority loose ends… This attitude fascinates me, because it flies in the face of the purpose of asking for help. Help is sometimes not cheap and even the act of seeking it alone has already cost time, sometimes money, and energy even before a person spends more resources on acting on the help. Yet when people get the help they already spent their resources on seeking, they respond to it as to another chore. So what’s the point in asking for help if they then put off using it to their benefit?
Another attitude this phrase is loaded with is that of the receiver of help pleasing the giver of help. How? Here’s an example: If you come to me for help and I recommend that you do x, you then feel obliged to do x to prove to me that you acted on my help, as if to honor my act of providing it to you. Many people act with this mindset and this mindset is exactly what stops them from doing x, and more importantly from benefitting from x in the long term. This mindset is unrealistic, because pleasing me is not an issue. If I give help, I’ve given it out forever and placed the responsibility of using it however you want to – if at all – on you. From that point I accept that whether you use my help or not is outside my control and in yours. Yet why do many people still carry this guilt?
The next time you catch yourself saying, writing, or even hearing someone say the old “thanks for your help, I’ll do x when I get a chance”, stop and realize that the chance is now or never. The longer the person puts doing x off, the longer their current undesirable situation will prevail and the longer they’ll be doing themselves huge disservice!
Contact me for any NLP help or support – if you are committed to act on it.