NLP for Pushing Ourselves

Despite the advice of coaches, fitness, and personal development professionals to push ourselves to achieve more etc. I’ve found that pushing ourselves is not effective for a high number of people. Why? Here’s one NLP perspective on pushing ourselves. 

Is pushing ourselves good or bad?

If we push an object away from us, the word push is neutral – neither good nor bad. Pushing will be good if we want an object to be farther from where we’re pushing it. But in a metaphorical sense, i.e. pushing ourselves to achieve something, the word push will have a good connotation for some people and a bad one for the rest.

Since various NLP and other professionals have heavily been pushing the metaphor of pushing ourselves as a good thing for decades, many people take the positive connotation of the word ‘push’ in the metaphorical sense for granted and won’t question it.  Others see it differently. And their point is just as valid. If you were to push someone to do something who doesn’t react well to pushing, how might the person react? S/he would either oblige for a while to appease you and go back to his/her ways. Or s/he would shut off and even rebel against being pushed.

NLP shows that we work the same way. If we push ourselves, we’ll either comply for a while and then go back to our old ways or we’ll shut off and rebel. This is why pushing ourselves is not effective for 50% of people. Another important factor at play is what we say to ourselves. Pushing in the metaphorical sense is usually negative, because pushing indicates that we must do something that we don’t do. Pushing has an aura of order, failure, ruling, thus negativity. Our internal voice pushing us will shout the words must, should, ought to, or even push. But these words can carry the caveat ‘…but I somehow don’t manage to’. So if we usually motivate ourselves toward achieving things, pushing won’t work for us.

Pulling works for those for whom pushing does not

Pushing = motivation toward something – usually good. This will be the bias of 50% of people. The bias of the other 50% will be pulling themselves away from something – usually bad. Usually means not always. It an also work like this: one can push himself away from something bad and pull himself toward something good. What matters is not the good or bad, but the pushing or pulling for the point of this article. So if you keep pushing yourself away from or toward something but the caveat “but I somehow can’t manage” always resound, then start pulling yourself. Pulling will do it.

When will pushing ourselves work? NLP shows…

Pushing ourselves will work only if we reframe and rename pushing to encouraging and encourage ourselves with words with only positive connotation. If we motivate ourselves toward achieving things. Plus if all other factors necessary for successful acting on what we were formerly pushing ourselves to do are equal. But all factors are rarely equal, thus even encouraging ourselves will only work if all other factors are set absolutely right. And this is a domain where an NLP coach can help.