NLP for Quarrels, Misunderstandings, Communication Problems

Filed Under (Life Coaching & NLP) on 26-03-2010

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Here are NLP tips for solving daily communication problems:

1. Rapport

For effective communication meet other people in their world, do not expect them to meet you in yours!  If you meet others in their world, they’ll feel acknowledged.  And  your communications will quickly start to produce the results you want!  Rapport is not something you do on people and then move on.  It’s a constant way of being at all times for life.  You can establish rapport by subtly matching people in the contexts and contents of conversations on the levels of

  • environment (where when)
  • behavior (what)
  • capability (how)
  • what people believe and value (why)
  • identity (who and with whom)
  • beyond identity (how x fits into the the grand scheme of the person’s life)

Establish rapport by observing and subtly matching people’s

  • posture
  • gestures
  • breathing
  • energy levels
  • language and speech patterns
  • tonality of voice
  • rhythm
  • beliefs and values

Maintain or break rapport – whichever is appropriate for what you want to achieve.

2. Talk about what you want, not what you don’t.

If you talk about what you don’t want, you’re concentrating on what you don’t want, but you’re no further forward with what you do want.  If you know what you want, you’re far more likely to achieve it.  If you want to learn the NLP habit of talking about what you want, help yourself with the following guides:

  • what do I want?
  • what will that do for me?
  • how will I know when I have it?
  • what will I be seeing, hearing, feeling when I have it?
  • what will I see others do when I have it?
  • what will I hear others say when I have it?
  • can I start and maintain this?
  • when, where, with whom do I want it?
  • where, when, with whom do I not want it?
  • for how long?
  • what do I get out of what I do now that I wish to preserve?
  • is this worth the cost to me?
  • is this worth the time it will take?
  • does this agree with who I am?

3. How will you know that you are getting what you want?

Become more curious.  Become more aware of the effects of what you do.  These effects will become apparent to you through how you feel.  And others will notice them too.   This information will come to you through you seeing, hering, feeling, smelling, tasting.

Notice what’s different as a result of your actions / thinking.  See the world as a mirror reflecting the results of your actions / thoughts.  Are you getting what you want?

In (at least) the Western culture it is still normal not to notice this kind of information.  But in reality it is more a case of regaining these skills than that of learning them anew.

4. Behavioral flexibility

If what you are doing isn’t working, do something different. You always have a choice of action.  Examine your situation from at least three perspectives.  The more flexible you are at examining your situation, the more information you will gather and the more choices you will discover.

Contact me for more help to make your life easier with NLP.

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