NLP for Quarrels, Misunderstandings, Communication Problems

Filed Under (NLP life coaching) on 01-10-2013

Tagged Under : , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Here are NLP tips for solving quarrels, misunderstandings, and communication problems:

1. Rapport

If you want to communicate effectively, meet people in their world. Do not expect them to meet you in yours!  When you meet others in their world, they’ll feel acknowledged.  And  your communications will quickly start to produce the results you want!  Rapport is not something you do on people and then move on.  It’s a constant way of being at all times for life. You can establish rapport by subtly matching people in the contexts and contents of conversations on the level of

  • environment (where when)
  • behavior (what)
  • capability (how)
  • what people believe and value (why)
  • identity (who and with whom)
  • beyond identity (how x fits into the the grand scheme of the person’s life)

Establish rapport – observe and subtly match people’s

  • posture
  • gestures
  • breathing
  • energy levels
  • language and speech patterns
  • tonality of voice
  • rhythm
  • beliefs and values.

Maintain or break rapport – whichever is appropriate for what you want to achieve.

2. Talk about what you want, not what you don’t.

If you talk about what you don’t want, you’re concentrating on what you don’t want. But you’re no further forward with what you want.  Similarly, if you know what you want, you’re far more likely to achieve it.  Hence if you want to learn the NLP habit of talking about what you want, help yourself with these guides:

  • what do I want?
  • what will that do for me?
  • how will I know when I have it?
  • what will I be seeing, hearing, feeling when I have it?
  • what will I see others do when I have it?
  • and what will I hear others say when I have it?
  • can I start and maintain this?
  • when, where, with whom do I want it?
  • where, when, with whom do I not want it?
  • for how long?
  • what do I get out of what I do now that I wish to preserve?
  • is this worth the cost to me?
  • is this worth the time it will take?
  • does this agree with who I am?

3. How will you know that you are getting what you want?

Be more curious.  Become more aware of the effects of what you do.  These effects will become apparent to you through how you feel.  And others will notice them too.  This information will come to you through you seeing, hering, feeling, smelling, tasting.

Notice what’s different as a result of your actions / thinking.  See the world as a mirror reflecting the results of your actions / thoughts.  Are you getting what you want?

In (at least) the Western culture it is still normal not to notice this kind of information.  But in reality it is more a case of regaining these skills than that of learning them anew.

4. Behavioral flexibility

If what you are doing isn’t working, do something different. You always have a choice of what to do.  Examine your situation from at least three perspectives: yours, that of the people involved in your communication problem, and that of an observer of you and the people involved in the communication problem.  The more flexible you are at examining your situation, the more information you will gather and the more choices you will discover.

Would you like more help to make your life easier with NLP? Let’s talk.

Comments are closed.